RSS

Archive

Dec
25th
Thu
permalink

Craigslist: fuuuurrrr reeeaalllzzzZ?

I am a born again Christian. Why is this a problem for people????! I have a house that’s MINE and I PAID FOR IT. I also have a basement apartment for rent. It’s a great space for I’m charing very little for it, $480 monthly, for the right tenant. I know it’s ILLEGAL to require a Christian in the apartment, against the human rights. That’s why I NEVER put this in my ad. Why then does it keep getting taken down?

HERE IS THE AD I POSTED, AND THE AD THAT KEEPS GETTING REMOVED:

Available Immediately – Broadway and Commercial – Showing Saturday and Sunday – Email for directions and additional information.

What kind of apartment is it?

• One bedroom basement apartment with separate entrance
• Tastefully decorated with modern décor
• Approximately 650 square feet
• There is even a window! Security bars installed for your safety and to prevent unauthorized activity
• Closed circuit camera installed for security and safety. One in your suite, one at the entrance, and one in the exercise yard

Rent:
• $480.00 per month
• First month’s rent + ½ month security deposit due at move in
• Small pet allowed with approval and payment of additional ½ month pet damage deposit
• One year lease permitted, option to renew lease at end of the term with no increase in rent
• LANDLORD’S SPECIAL! Move in before January 1st and don’t pay for the remainder of December! That’s significant savings.

Included in the rent:

• Electricity
• Heat – Maintained at 21 degrees with lock box to prevent unauthorized tampering. Additional heating available for $20.00 per extra degree of heating per month. You may not use your oven to heat the apartment. If you do, you will be fined $50.00 per occurrence.
• Air conditioning – Maintained at 25 degrees during the summer with lock box to prevent extra cooling from being dispensed. Additional cooling for sale for $20.00 per degree of cooling requested per month.
• 25” Zenith color television set with basic cable service - INCLUDED IN RENT!
• Wireless internet (with content filter applied to block forbidden/immoral websites) - INCLUDED IN RENT!
• Provision of coin laundry services - You will have your own personal coin laundry washer and dryer machines. Washers and dryers are paid using a token system. Tokens can be purchased through the landlord. Washer tokens cost $4.15 each and dryer tokens cost $3.60 each. You are not allowed to use foreign
currency or slugs in the washer and dryer. Violators will be fined $100.00 per infraction.

About us: (Landlords)

We are conservative, bible believing, God-fearing, born again, evangelical Christians. We interpret the bible literally in every way possible. We live a strict moral code and observe God’s laws in our everyday life. My wife stays at home and teaches our home-schooled children. I work as a pastor at a local congregation and am active in the faith community.

About you: (Tenant)

• You are employed
• You do not participate in lascivious deviant sexual behavior
• You do not choose alternative lifestyles as your lifestyle
• You do not have any criminal history
• You must have excellent character references
• You do not smoke, drink or take drugs. Mandatory drug screening required.


Additional Rules/Conditions:

CLEANLINESS: You are responsible for the cleanliness and orderliness of
your apartment. Beds are to be made before leaving your suite,
countertops must be wiped down, and you must remove all trash. Upon
inspection, if the tenant’s basement suite is not clean, the cost of
cleaning services plus a fine of $100.00 will be levied.
LIGHTS: The lights in your basement suite and in the day room are not to
be tampered with. If a light needs repair, report the condition to the
Landlord.
WAKE-UP: Wake up will be at 5:30am each morning. All ceiling lights in
the suite will be turned on automatically.
LIGHTS OUT: Ceiling lights in the suite will be turned off at 11:30pm.
CONTRABAND: The following items are considered contraband – alcohol, illegal drugs, tobacco, weapons, lock picking equipment. If any contraband is discovered to be in your possession, you will be subject to a minimum $1,000.00 fine. In addition, your items will be confiscated permanently. Second offense – you will be evicted without notice. A bailiff will escort you and your belongings off the premises. Your security deposit will not be returned.
SMOKING: The basement suite is non-smoking. Anyone in possession of
tobacco products of any kind or any lighter or matches, will have their
contraband items confiscated and will be fined $100.00.
INSPECTIONS: The Landlord will conduct unannounced inspections to ensure
that these rules and regulations are being followed.
VISITATION: Visitation periods will be on Saturdays and Sundays from
1:00 p.m. until 3:00 p.m. All visitors and their vehicles are subject
to search while on landlord property. Refusal to allow a search can
result in their being barred from all future visitation privileges. All
visitors must sign the Visitor’s Log. Unauthorized visitors will be
escorted from the property, and the tenant will be fined $250.00.
I.D. BRACELETS: Each tenant will be issued an I.D. bracelet with his/her
photograph. It must be worn at all times. If you lose your I.D.
bracelet or it is broken, you will be required to purchase a new one at
the nominal cost of $5.00.
EXERCISE YARD: The tenant will have access to the exercise yard in the
area to the back of the property for 2 hours per day from 4:00 pm to
6:00 pm. The tenant is not allowed to bring any personal property to
the exercise yard. Once the tenant leaves the exercise yard on a
particular day, he or she may not return. No boisterous behavior is
allowed in the exercise yard. There is no smoking allowed in the
exercise yard. Minimum fine for exercise yard infractions is $50.00.

Oct
7th
Tue
permalink
Sep
30th
Tue
permalink

Super Spicy Chili Kills Man!

A 33-year-old man has died after eating some super spicy chili! What?!!! Cooking was a favorite hobby for Andrew Lee, who worked as a fork lift truck driver. His girlfriend’s brother made a bet with him to see who could concoct the hottest chili. Guess he won! The day after consuming the chili, his girlfriend called the paramedics when she found Lee on the floor. He was pronounced dead at the scene. He died of heart failure, which is weird because Lee was recently declared to be in perfect health after a recent medical examination. The exact cause of death is still uncertain and a toxicology examination is being conduced to determined what exactly killed Lee, but it is believed that an adverse reaction to the chili may be the culprit! How sad! Be careful next time you order the super spicy option!

Sep
21st
Sun
permalink

Could a Republican have been behind this?!?!

It seems a “misprint” in a New Jersey telephone book has led to many people calling a phone sex service instead of reaching a New Jersey Democratic political organization.

The listing for the Sussex County Democratic Committee in Embarq’s white pages incorrectly listen their number.

Instead, callers were greeted to a seductive female’s voice, inviting them to pay for sex chat.

Glenn Lewis, a spokesman for Embarq, said that a “transposition error caused the last three digits of the Democrats’ phone number to be misprinted.”

Lewis then assured that the number had been corrected in Embarq’s directory assistance database.

Sep
1st
Mon
permalink
permalink